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Essay Feedback: Relay essay

This essay is an essay that I will never be able to forget. I read hundreds of essays each year and this one definitly stands out. You faild so horribly in defending for your side that you were extremely successful in advocating for the opposition. With the essay prompt: Should we allow female students to wear pants?, you chose to write an essay about why we shouldn't allow it. However, because of the many hypocrisites and logical errors in your essay, one can only agree to allow the change in uniform after reading your essay.
But will the school administrators agree? I don't know. No essay will probably persuade them anyways. Maybe some pressure from Gangwon's department of educatin might help, or some parent's complaint. Personally, I don't see why girls wearing pants is not good looking-who made up that nonsense? It's merely a stereotype of gender that lies within the society. Like how Scottich men wear kilts, men wearing skirts should also not be so special to people.
This is my personal opinion about the prompt itself, and now I will go back to your essay feedback. As I said before, you made an epic fail to claim on the opposite side, which helped supporting the proposition side instead. However, I think this makes me raise a question; did you really try to support the opposition? I mean, it seems like you ruined the opposite side's idea on purpose. Also, by trying to rebut the agreeing arguement about the prompt in a foolish way, you actually strengthen their idea. This is very interesting. I've never seen some essay style like this before!! Of course, this may be my misinterpretation. Maybe this was just my attempt to find a streak of brilliance in your heartbreakingly written piece of nonsense. Either way, this way of understanding the essay will certainly improve the overall quality of the writing and, of course, your grades. I will give you an extra point for each epitomy of logical error that you showed us, and take off a point for each grammatical error. Hmmm wait that leaves you with the point of 31 out of 100. Maybe I should be more kind (Like your math teacher Ms. Chun LOL) and have some "+1" s in there. Maybe I should. But I don't feel like it. So 31 it is. Good Luck. Haha! Do you really believe that your score is 31? I don't know where my head is these days. Reading through what I wrote before, it seems like my past self was very distracted making it hard for present me to wrap it up right now. Okay, to sum up, adding in a point for clever use of logical error and subtracting a point for grammatical errors gives you 31. You should really work on improving your grammar. However, since this essay was one of the most ingenious that I have read in a while, I think it's a shame to get such a low score. I decided to give you 20 extra points for your creativity and courage to try it out, making a final score of 51. You have great ideas but don't have the basic writing skills to back it up. I know that you will be going places if you improve your grammar and spelling just a bit. Good job.

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White: Julie Jihyun Jeon
Purple: Yeongheon Lee
Green: Minji Kim
Orange: Hajin Jean Kim
Blue: Minseok Joseph Kim
Red: Jaihyun Kim
Pink: Gukmyeong Kevin Son
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